Participating to Infinity

It's 3:39 in the morning and I'm up. I'm never up this late besides the time at the Great Wolf Lodge, those moments I can't seem to forget... I think it's been a little over two weeks now since we've been chatting on Facebook. I've lost most of that crush feeling I used to have, I still hope we become wonderful friends and to find a guy like him one day.

I am here because I was asked on a date earlier this week. :) It was very significant though because this happened to my first sort of date. By sort of I mean that my mom drove me to McDonald's to meet up with Evan, and she was in the strip mall area the whole time. Our date was pretty much a bust and it feels like it was my fault, because he did all the talking and I could never find anything in my mind to say back. Normally through text, it's not much of a problem. You know why? because when that text from him comes through the cyber air, and space to that satellite and back down the atmosphere to my own phone, I can look at the words and think. Think through everything. Google what I don't understand since I happen to be hopelessly clueless, then I can type.

Type until the nerves in my fingers get numb from pressing to hard. He still likes me though. From what I can tell at least. I'm no my Macy McHenry but if someone constantly tries to make plans with you than doesn't that mean they do?

One of my best friends, Kasi, is having a birthday party on Friday so it should be fun! I need to go and get her a present but I haven't had the chance. I've been trying to ignore my friends. It's hard though. Here isn't home. Here isn't anything but a living nightmare. It's hilarious that during the summer I moved to Kansas I was having anxiety attacks because I had no one, yet here no attacks but it's even worse.

I've noticed tension between my parents. It's been happening more and more often since this summer started. I'm worried about them, getting separated that is... Trying to act like you don't notice silent fights like that is terribly hard. I'm just glad most of the week I'm alone.


"The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time." ~ David Bowie

Good Morning, sorry for the feelings and ramblings and for the long post. ~ Sarah Smiles